I’m reading Brené Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed toBe and Embrace Who You Are.
There’s a lot of good stuff in there. Read it. Or check out her website and watch some videos.
The chapter I just read was about resilience. One of the essential elements of resilience is cultivating hope.
Hope and I have had a difficult relationship. I’ve been in love with her and also seen her be a backstabbing bitch.
But let’s get sciency about it. Brown presents research by C.R. Snyder that explains that hope is not an emotion, but rather a thought process that includes these attributes:
- We have the ability to set realistic goals (I know where I want to go).
- We are able to figure out how to achieve those goals, including the ability to stay flexible and develop alternative routes (I know how to get there, I’m persistent, and I can tolerate disappointment and try again).
- We believe in ourselves (I can do this!). (Brown, 65)
Also, hope is learned. It is a choice. It is practiced.
…
I was interviewed the other day by my dear friend Hilary for an article she’s writing for class. It was about my “career.” I tried not to balk at that label. Because that’s what it is. A career. I have built a career. Whoa.
She asked some good questions about when I’ve felt successful or when I’ve faced difficulty as a freelancer.
The hardest thing is when I have to perfectly time my bill payments with my paychecks. That shit is stressful.
But you know what? I am grateful for this time in my life. I am learning so much about my capacity. I can plan, I can budget, I can say “no,” and I can be scrappy as hell.
And you know what? I do believe in myself. Sometimes I’ll be figuring out bills, workload, personal stuff—getting really worked up. And I will just stop, pick up a pen, and write to myself, “You can do this. You can absolutely do this.”
You have to believe in yourself if you’re gonna make it as a freelancer. I think Brené is right: Believing in yourself is key to resilience. And resilience is damn vital to freelancing.
The other thing is, you gotta have people around you who believe in you. A lot of current research about resilience says you need to be able to ask for help and have social support and be connected in order to be resilient.
For me, that’s meant good, good friends who have cheered me on. It’s been mentors who are also solopreneurs and have made this life work. And it’s been my mom telling me she’s never worried that I’ll make it.
It’s like clapping your hands to bring Tink back to life. “I do believe in fairies. I do! I do!”
You need those people who will shout or whisper: I believe in you. And you need to shout and whisper it to yourself.